Mnemonic Jokes - can you make one/understand others?

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#1 23 January, 2015 - 16:33
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Mnemonic Jokes - can you make one/understand others?


Post here your ownmade mnemonic-related jokes (mJokes).

This is really good way to make newbies more interested in different mnemonic techniques/views/people.

Just think about it:
You're probably visiting artofmemory.com to get to know more about mnemotechnics. You've read about gavino's MMPs, but didn't understand much about it, or it just didn't seem to be very intriguing.
Now suddenly a Smith who calls himself "a recycler", says he is a complete opposite to gavino, and accuses him of being a viral plaque that must be destroyed. But at the same time, wasn't Smith the one who was the virus in the Matrix?
Wouldn't this story make you committed to dig out all the folklore in this forum that is surrounding GMMPS;). And then try it out yourself? Then maybe even try the Smith role, to see if he had any point.
I think this thread will have a great potential :)

Add sequencial number before each of your joke (your first joke is 1), then it's easier to refer to it afterwards.

Please don't post any other comments in this thread! Jokes only.

23 January, 2015 - 16:34
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1. Three grotesque mnemonic images of different nationalites go to a bar. One says to others: "Why I always get this strange feeling that we are in some stupid story?"
"I know, I get it too..."

2. (continuing the previous sentence)
"...But what makes you think that this time?"
"When I asked the barman for check, the price was unbelievably high, actually so high that it would take 2 months and 25000 of us to even write it down."
"What was it then?"
"I don't remember it all, but it started something like this: 3 141 592..."

3. (continuing)
Second mnemonic image to third: "What's the meaning of life?"
The third responds: "I don't know yours, but mine is 4."

4. (continuing)
"If we really were in a story, then there is a simple test for it. It's called the reality check."
"What's that?"
"Do you remember how you got here? Try very hard."
"I really can't! I feel like my mind is CHAINED here. Oh my god, this really is a story!"
The unspoken one: "Wait a minute. If we really are in story, then we just have to kill ourselves - that will wake us up and we'll be unstorified! :) "
Shoots the first image in head, then the second one, and finally himself. All fall down, but didn't die, and are now screaming in agonizing pain.
Barman raises his head and starts laughing: "I never get bored of this Story!"

5. Of all the prisons of Memrise, the strangest one of them is the one called Forgetful. This is because it only takes one guard to manage the whole prison. Why? It's because of the Curse of Evening Count that lies on this prison. Even if an inmate dared to escape, he obviously would miss the evening count, and no one is brave enough to do that - they all know the story of now empty cell 27, whose prisoner once accidently skipped the evening count. The next day he had turned into an invisible nameless ghost-like being. When they now look at his cell, they only get glimpses of him, but never enough to recall anything about him. Only if someone by accident should remember and say his name, the Curse will be lifted from him.

6. Neo to Morheus: "How can you be so sure that I'm the One?"
Morpheus: "Because when we rearrage 'Neo', we get 'One'. I mean, this just can't be a coincidence - the Creator surely had that in his mind when he constructed the System. Everything has a purpose here."
Neo: "You must be high, man!"
Morpheus: "That indeed is my purpose."
(if you didn't get it look the very last joke and the picture)

7. Somewhere in the vast Sherlock Holmes' Mind Palace, the Sun is walking nervously around Earth.
Finally she stops and asks Earth: "Can you please help me? It seems I've lost my Journey home."
"Nah, I can't find it either. I'm afraid it's been deleted."
"How can you be sure?"
Earth: "Well, I'm pretty confident that the original one was me going around you, not the other way around"

8. Smith interrogating Morpheus: " I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you Mnemonic images do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply. Then the only way for your offsprings to survive is to build more little houses until all free space in the area is consumed. And then the only way for the following generation to survive is to spread to another area.
There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A gavino. Gavinos are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we are the cure."
Morpheus: "And what exactly are you then? "
Smith: "We like to refer to ourselves as 'the recyclers' "

smith_morpheus.jpg
Smith to Morhpheus: "By the way, you smell awfully! I will never be able to forget this :cry: "
Morpheus: "Try burning the place down"
Smith: "I've tried. Nothing works... I hate this place. I want to get out!"
Morpheus: "Hey Sherlock? Could you please delete this program? He really wants it."
A voice comes somewhere Outside: "Anything for you, my dear Morphine."

WARNING:
If you didn't like these jokes, then don't try deleting them from your mind. It will only make matters worse :D

23 January, 2015 - 16:36
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9. Ben Pridmore, Daniel Tammet and S go to World Memory Championship. Somehow S manages to outbest both of them in 100 digit sprint and 5 minute words, memorizing them both in mere seconds and breaking the previous world records.
"How on eart did you do that? You must be cheating!" complains Pridmore.
"Easy, I have a thing called synesthesia. I never forget anything" replies S.
"There is no no such thing!" laughs Tammet.
"Of course there is," replies S. "Your face looks like a 2 to me, I really like it"
"That is a really sick thing to say from a man to man!" replies Tammet. "Besides, my face looks more like 3."
"I really like your tone," says S. "This makes soft golden flames come out of your mouth. Nonetheless, it doesn't change the fact that it's 2"
Tammet whispers to Ben: "I think this guy is crazy. We have to get him out of here!"
Ben: "I know just the guy with right skills. He's a kind of expert in this field."
And so was S lured to perform his future feats in front of Luria, but following two decades of united work changed only one man's world view (guess whose :D)

10. David Copperfield, Patrick Jane and Arthur Conan Doyle go hanging out. Soon they get bored and they agree that each one will perform something that he is very good at.
Doyle: "I'm the father of Sherlock Holmes and big fan of scientific method. I remain skeptical in every situation."
Jane: "Well see about that, after I have hypnotized you to memorize a full card deck in 20 seconds!"
Copperfield: "That's nothing, Jane! I can read that deck from Doyle's mind after he has memorized it."
Copperfield shuffles the deck, Jane hypnotizes Doyle (to which Doyle remains completely skeptical) and then starts the timer. And what a surprise, after 20 seconds has Doyle finished the deck! He then writes down the deck order on a paper that only he can see. Then it's time for Copperfield to read the list.
"Now, concentrate on that paper, Doyle. I'm going to read it from your mind!"
Doyle does that and Copperfield starts telling the cards, after each guess Jane takes the next card from the deck for all to see whether the answer was correct or wrong.
1. "Ace of diamonds" - Correct
2. "Four of clubs" - Correct
...
All seem to be correct, and Doyle starts going more red and more surprised in face, while Copperfield and Jane maintainain perfect calmness.
...
52. "Queen of spades" - Correct
Jane (sarcastically): Well done, Copperfield.
Doyle: How... but... but...
Jane: Now give me that paper, Doyle, I'm going to find that mirror or whatever Copperfield has planted there.
With shaking hands passes Doyle the paper to Jane. But he can't spot any mirror, nor any kind of other trickery with the paper.
Jane: I must admit, he truelly is a mind reader.
Doyle (with a deep respect in voice): Copperfield did much more than that, he's a real psychic! Jane, take a better look at that paper. He must have gotten his answers from spirits, because all the cards written on that paper are wrong.

(If you didn't associate why A.C.Doyle had that exact role in this joke, then check out his encounter with Cottingley Fairies)

23 January, 2015 - 16:36
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11. Joshua has invited Psycho and Arghh30 to his small town in Creece, and they decide to do some jogging in the area. After some while they take a rest by the ruins of an ancient building.
Psycho: "Hey Joshua, wasn't this the temple where your giant mother accidently stumbled against, making the temple collapse and killing everyone inside it, and at the same time inventing the Art of Genocide."
Arghh30 silently to Psycho: "We don't say these things to our Host out loudly. Be once a gentleman!"
Joshua: "First of all, it isn't a temple, it is a banquet house. Secondly, my mother lost alot of weight already like 1000 years ago, so it's really the Ancient History you're talking about (nobody cares about that). Thirdly, by collapsing the banquet house, she was the one who wen't into history (thanks to some bestselling articles[1][2]), but it was me who invented Art of Memory (if that was the correct name you meant). And fourth, that particular incident gave me the inspiration to create only a small part of it, called "How to recognize the faces of dead friends." If you can't get your facts right, then I don't know, use mnemonics or something."
Arghh30: "Arghh? Sorry, I'm a bit foggy here. But wasn't it my troll mother who crashed the temple?"
Psycho: "Don't you ever listen? He said that it was a bank house, and your troll mother was so stupid she would never had any business to a bank. And why are you always complaining about being foggy, I have my worse periods too, but I make no sound of them!"
Joshua: "By that you certainly mean that you keep your inner psycho completely hidden"
Psycho: "You two are the psychos here. Besides, my mother has much healthier diet than your mothers!"
Arghh30: "Arghh? Are you two trolling me around?"
Other two just ignored him and they all continued jogging, only rarely pausing to mutter a short remark about their mothers' diets...

[1]Temple accident gave a mass murderer incentive to loose 5000 pounds, Psychology Today, November 2010
[2]Templefarting with Einstein: Great scientist shares how properly directed stomachwinds can make any building collapse , 2011

23 January, 2015 - 16:37
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12. joke12_0.png
"So, my child, have you already got one?"
"Have what, grandmother?"
"An SDD."
"Oh granny, it's called STD. And you can relax, I don't have one."
"Really? When I was at your age, I was good, I was very good. Once I "accidentally" happened to lose my way to your silly grandfather Luthor's chamber, who was back then going to propose to my sister the following day. However, the next morning all he wanted was more of me. He might have thought that he had placed his little seeds in me, but I placed one much bigger seed in him, that changed his life forever."
"The idea that your sister is not good enough for him?"
"No, you silly girl! " (laughs)
"Grandmother?!? Did you give him an STD?"
"Yes, it was a terrible SDD. It made him completely incapacitated for the rest of his miserable life."
"But how can it be that you yourself are completely fine?"
"You see, I myself am the carrier... Now, when are you going to get one yourself?"

"Isn't that a bit dangerous!? I mean, what if it starts to slowly kill me?"
"You have to begin with something simple. How about fungus? I know a good place where you can get one.
joke12_1.jpg
For example that rotten tree over there has so much fungus threads they can literally tie you on the ground. But you have to be strong to survive the process until your whole body is infected. Doctor Grace Augustine was weak, and her neck was tied up so strong that she suffocated to death."
"I don't know grandmother. I'm sure I'd survive it, but living with fungal vaginitis can be quite uncomfortable."

"What about bird flu? We have a lot of magnificent winged beasts around here. For example, Jake Sully has this flu.
joke12_2.jpg
And what's best - infected humans can spread it to each other sexually."
"Please no, these birds look so scary!"

"Okay, okay! How about Suicidal Bitch Disease?
joke12_3.jpg
Mal got it from her husband. It was actually strong enough to kill her, only it took some while. I gave it to my husband, Luthor. One day he just ride off a cliff on a horse! It's really strange that they always prefer death from falling.

Or perhaps Alzheimer's disease, which Mal's husband gave to Mr. Saito"joke12_4.jpg.
"Wow, Cobb and Saito must have got really bored there. But wait a minute, granny..."

"Oh, I get it...They're too slow. It took nearly 20 years to finish off my husband! What about Rabies? That's very infectious.
Or Instant Coma? Finishes everybody off in a matter of minutes."joke12_5.jpg

"No, no, these are really good. But they aren't STDs, you know, the Sex-u-ally Trans-mit-ted Di-sea-ses. A whore like me needs an STD, not Alzheimer or something!"

"Of course they aren't STDs, my dear. Don't you pay attention at all? Did you really think that Neytiri and Jake ****** those poor animals, then each other? And that it just took your grandfather's cock in my vagina to push him into killing himself? I said they are S-D-Ds, a weak D in the middle."
"What are those?"
"Shared-Dream Diseases of course. They will be the future of your generation."

23 January, 2015 - 16:39
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15. Nah, I was just trolling you. Conundrum eliminated. 30 Arghhs to all of you!

23 January, 2015 - 16:40
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14. All the people in this site are visiting this forum topic 3 times per day, to re-read the jokes some stupid troll has written (and the troll itself at least 5 times). The troll is trying to tell these people via these jokes, which mistakes not to make, to save some time in future. Obviosusly he's wasting his time, because now all this gained time is wasted on re-reading this topic. What an irony. Why don't they just memorize the jokes? What an irony.

And can you be sure that the troll isn't trolling you right now? The purpose of a joke is to make peope laugh, and if some people are offended now and I just managed to incept the Suicidal Bitch Disease in them, then this isn't actually a joke. What a difficult conundrum, isn't it? Lives depend on hard choices...

29 January, 2015 - 11:14
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16. Two g****os compare their p****es.
"Mine is bigger than yours!"
"But mine has gone through much more memories."
"Pah! Mine has been a subject to so much li**ing."
"That's so sad! P**s everywhere, that's the only thing mine is famous for! :cry: "
Both have their advantages. Which one would you make an appointment so he could show you his skills?

31 January, 2015 - 21:32
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17. Bateman is sneaking around the forum, just like Batman. They make a great couple.

Batman

31 January, 2015 - 22:16
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18. "Batman, why are you always saying that you're 'Batman' ? I mean, we all know who you are" asks Superman.
"Because it's the truth. And also because....I...am..."
"No, don't say it. We all know that you're going to say 'I'm Batman!' again."
"Because...I...am...Ba.."
"Dude, we totally get it already!"
"Because...I...am...Bats in the belfry!" bellows Batman.

31 January, 2015 - 22:39
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19. I went on a diet of nuts once, and it made me totally nuts (true story). Wonder if it has the same effect on the author.

Ok, reader, if you are still not getting it after 3 jokes, watch American Psycho!

12 February, 2015 - 07:33
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20. "Only R.I.P.e Minds Can Be Set Free"
by Morpheus

What's real, what's not?
If your mind only perceives fear,
the body knows it must be real,
tic tac, tickedy tac,
and so her heart racingly T.I.C.k.e.d,

This story is about
how r30 gave her heart to Samara,
who R.A.P.e.d her,
who murdered her,
who will kill her children,
and so her heart out was R.I.P.p.e.d.

But fear not, my children:
it takes only One mind to know,
that true love does not fear,
it knows that LOVE IS REAL,
And so the heart on was K.I.C.k.e.d,
Neo restarting the heart of Trinity.
by Neo,
knowing he'd been t.R.I.C.k.e.d,
and so the true purpose of his name out was N.I.C.k.e.d.

Indeed, there is hope:
Patting a bat was also Bruce's fear,
but gradually he learned to embrace what's real,
or nope?

26 February, 2015 - 05:28
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21. Chuck Norris facts

MNEMONICS

  1. Chuck Norris uses mnemotechnics to forget things.
  2. Chuck Norris uses 52-card system to memorize a card deck.
  3. Simon Reinhard had an image of Chuckling Chuck Norris. The next image of course was Sobbing Simon begging for mercy.
  4. Simon Reinhard had an image for Chuck Norris (P). He had to leave that out, because no A or O dares to be in the same story with Chuck Norris.
  5. Chuck Norris never uses stories to memorize lists. He just recalls the event when he has beaten the hell out of these items in that exact order.
  6. Harry Loraine begged Chuck Norris to teach him a mnemotechic. After 50 days of being hanged by his underpants on the same list of pegs again and again, he invented the system of pegs.
  7. Chuck Norris uses loci to memorize structures and natural memory to memorize long numbers.
  8. Easiest way to get infinite amount of loci is to use all the places of your body where Chuck Norris will kick you in 1 second.
  9. Synesthesia is a term for describing what you feel when you are roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris. S was hit in the head.
  10. Once Chuck Norris's brain failed its master by forgetting sth. Now Chuck has no brain and a perfect memory.
  11. When Sherlock was shot in chest, he used his emotional palace to manage the pain. When Chuck Norris is shot, there will be no use of that.....for the bullet.
  12. Chuck Norris has no nightmares - the only dream-creature who tried to scare him is still having chuckmares.
  13. When you look an abstract image from far enough, you can see that it is actually Death memorizing the date when he was killed by Chuck Norris.
  14. After only one lesson with Chuck Norris, Bateman is now in perfect self control. The lesson started and ended with Chuck saying 'I take personal care of slow learners.'
  15. Before c(r)eePi Chuck Norris went to sleep, he raped e, Pi and c by singing them from his memory. All agreed that the experience was ePic.
  • Here are my other Chuck Norris facts.
  • 26 February, 2015 - 11:32
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    Chuck Norris doesn't check his loci for the Boogeyman, the Boogeyman checks his loci for Chuck Norris!

    27 February, 2015 - 01:06
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    13. Today is an important day in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital - it's the first independent surgery of a young brilliant novice doctor House. He has prepared extensively for the operation, and to make sure he won't forget anything during these long hours when he is giving orders in the operation room, he used mnemotechnics to memorize the whole protocol for the procedure and also a lot other protocols, in case something should go wrong. He already knows that today is going to be his success.

    He enters the operation room, where everything is already in place and the nurses are waiting him in their positions.
    And the soon-to-be-formal-surgeon says with calm and experienced voice: "Our primary mission is to remove the harmful tumor in the patient's left leg, located just below his knee. The surgery should last no more than 5 hours. Everything in place? Good. Then let's get started."

    With a little tremor in his hand the surgeon takes the scalpel. He then forces himself to relax and makes a deep cut into the leg. Wheew, that's seems to be a good start he thinks. Just when he has completed that thought, the patient wakes up and starts screaming."
    "Don't tell me you forgot to inject him any anaesthetics?" asks a nurse next to him.
    Doctor to himself: Oh, no. Oh no. I've skipped a locus. "Sorry about that. Give him intravenous 240 mg propofol injection. That should be enough for an hour."
    The nurses do that and the patient goes unconscious, and they can continue the operation.
    But doctor wants to be sure that this time the patient really IS on sedatives.

    What did I have to do in this situation? Ahaa, got it.
    The nurses witness how doctor removes the plastic blanket covering the patients groins, then takes off his tie and starts lashing the patient's penis with it.
    "What on earth are you doing?!"

    Damn it, what did I got wrong this time? The images I placed here clearly say:
    Lash with tie to check for appealing erection ...wait a minute. It could also have been
    Flash his eye to check for pupil reaction
    It must have been the other one. God, I need to stop memorizing instructions in verbatim.

    Doctor manages to maintain his always-know-what-i'm-doing face and says with bored voice:
    "No erection - meaning he's on correct sedation. Now let's continue with the surgery."

    After a while they've reached to the tumor.
    "Hand me the Mayo scissors over there." He takes the scissors and makes a deep cut. Suddenly there is blood everywhere.
    Oh no. I think I mixed the Mayo scissors up with Metzenbaum scissors! [1]
    "Doctor, do something!"
    But what? I can't remember what image I have placed in this location! It's just blank!
    "Doctor, we have to do something with the leg!"
    Oh, yes. Now I remember.

    Doctor takes the bone saw and with three sudden forceful strikes he amputates the leg.
    "What are you doing!?! " screams the nurse. "You were supposed to stitch the wound!"
    Ah, damn. It was a ghost image. I really need to stop reusing the same palace for different surgeries.
    "What will we do now?" asks a nurse.
    "Doctor, he is loosing too much blood!"
    "You there, stitch the wound!" commands doctor, "I'm going to replace the blood he's lost."

    Doctor opens the box filled with different blood bags, chooses the right one, hangs it to the blood bag hanger and inserts the tube into patient's blood stream."
    Slowly the patient's paleness starts to go away, and all take a deep relaxed breath.
    Then suddenly, his heart stops.
    "You gave him AB positive! I remember that I specifically mentioned you that his blood type is AB negative!" [2]
    "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" bellows doctor. But I ran out of loci after I had memorized letters A and B.
    Still, the doctor manages to take control of himself.
    "Okay, remain calm! We just have to defibrillate him."

    He goes by the machine, happily thinking that now all the hard work of composing my 000-999 PAO pays itself off. And he inserts the right voltage to the machine. Then he shocks the patient.
    With a loud terrifying splash the patient's heart explodes, rupturing the chest and covering their faces in thick blood.
    A nurse starts sobbing: "You brainless troll! The voltage. It's supposed to be 7800 volts! Not 78 000! "
    Should have made the 0-9 and 00-99 lists too, sighs the doctor.

    [1] Surgical scissors. The Metzenbaun seems more accurate to me, but obviuosly I can't be 100% sure that Metzanbaum really does fit better for the current situation than Mayo scissors. The point is they have similar appearence and names.
    [2] If the types would be vice versa, nothing would have happened (AB+ is universal recipient). And I think in reality the reaction wouldn't have caused his heart to stop.

    If you don't understand lots of of mini-schemes in these 13 jokes, then it shows there is a lot of interesting stuff in this site you haven't read yet (or some movies/TV series not yet watched). Are you able to find them?

    24 April, 2015 - 06:50
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    My routine is starting to look more and more like Patrick Batemans routine.
    'I believe in taking care of myself; in a balanced diet, and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if I feel a little stiff, I do some yoga poses to stretch my muscles out, along with some alpha male posture exercises, and meditation. After that, I use Nubian African Black Soap, which exfoliates the skin, clears away dead cells, and deeply moisturizes it. Then I put on In Red by Estelle Ewen.

    And as for the face... I always use an aftershave lotion with little to no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out, and makes you look older. After opening the pores in the hot shower, I start by using a blackhead extractor. After that, I apply a Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay mask. When it dries, I remove it and put on an egg white mask. Finally, I wash that off, and top it off with organic virgin coconut oil to keep the skin moist and fill the pores with antimicrobial oil. '

    Bateman

    *full disclosure; obviously not all of it in one day, nor every day.

    1 May, 2015 - 00:38
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    22. Boris Konrad and Nelson Dellis are sitting near the edge of a cliff above the city of Darnassus, which is a valley on a small lonely island called Teldrassil. A warm friendly fire is cracking between them and heating up their thoughts, while the cool view to the city in turn cools them down.
    Konrad: "You know what, we should memorize some cards! I have 20 decks right here in this bucket ready to go."
    "Okay, but after that we will continue our climb of memory," replied Dellis, pointing to the peak behind them.
    They take the decks out, giving each one a good shuffle.
    Konrad: "Please, you be the first one."
    Dellis: "Are you hinting that because of the als Eimer Herausforderung it is me who must always do the memorizing? F**k you!"
    Konrad: "As you wish, then." He takes the bucket and one by one he starts throwing the cards down the cliff. The wind carries each card to a different part of the valley.

    Darnassus

    Level 1 night elf priest Arrgh is walking to the valley, and notices that it is raining cards.
    "What on earth is that?"
    Arrgh walks closer and tries to catch one card, but fails to do so, and the card hits a pillar next to him. Instantly it turns into a frightening monster with a text: Level 2 Bat.
    The bat starts attacking him, but through a lot of effort Arrgh manages to kill him. Same happens with the rest of cards: each one turns into different monster when it hits the ground.
    "What the hell is happening here?!" screams Arrgh. He tries to find a safe path between the monsters, but its really hard, because the cards are landing everywhere. A wolf and boar also attack him, and this time Arrgh almost dies when fighting them off. Still, with the last effort he crabs the boar by its fang, rips it off, and stabs it constantly into its belly, until the boar dies with a loud squeal.
    Arrgh falls on the ground and sees a bright light gathering all around him.
    He hears a voice somewhere: "Whatever you do, bitch, don't go towards the light!" The light is emanating everywhere, but suddenly it stops, with a new Level 2 sign floating above Arrgh's head.

    GrandMaasster Bateman stretches out his hand to Arrgh and pulls him up. Arrgh notices that he is level XXX.
    "Thanks, man!"
    "Newbie, huh? Don't worry, with a little tutoring of mine we can make you a badass player. Come!"
    They walk around the valley, finding a safe route around the flying cards, and make it to the Temple of the Moon."
    The Temple of The Moon
    "Drink this water, and your strength will return."
    Arrgh does that, and feels the energy coming back.
    "Now, shall we kick some asses?"
    "Oh yeah, master!"
    A card flies on the pool and turns into a giraffe.
    "Watch how it is done!"
    Grandmaster Bateman turns the giraffe into a sheep, then cuts off its testicles and feeds them to the sheep. He holds the sheep's mouth closed, and it suffocates to its own vomit.
    "See? Easy, isn't it?"
    "Sorry, but I'm not that good!"
    Grandmaster slaps Arrgh's face. "Stop wining right now and just start practising, you dumbass rookie!"

    Arrgh runs crying out of the temple and kills some bats. XP goes up and up and soon Arrgh is at level 10.
    "Why should I go back to that crazy master!? I bet there are some others around here as well."
    He looks around and notices that level ?? paladin Domino' Brain is standing on a small stonehengy circle of domino pieces below the cliff where the cards are coming from.
    "Hello, mister! Do you have any idea what is causing the chaos around here?" asks Arrgh.
    "Well, buy my scrolls and you'll know everything about it!"
    Arrgh trades some of his XP for the scrolls, and reads that the chaos is caused due to monsters occupying too many places at once in the valley. One should place at least two or three of them together, and make them fight with each other - this way they won't take too much space, and also be too distracted with their own fight to pay too much attention to people walking by.
    "Are you sure it will work?" asks Arrgh.
    "Of course. This is how I have always done it. It will work."
    "Ok, thanks master!"

    Nearby there are three cards flying around a brinde: one of them falls onto the bridge and turns into an owl, the other falls into water and turns into a unicorn. The third one Arrgh catches and reads "impale".
    Arrgh walks closer the bridge and thinks: "What have I learned? Oh yeah - 1. killy 2. silly 3. filly".
    He walks onto the bridge, with the card in his hand ready to strike. Owl attacks with a loud squeak, but Arrgh jumps onto it and makes it fly backwards, and with the speed of light they ram straight into the unicorn's horn, so it sticks deep into owl's as***le.
    "Arrgh the impaler," he thinks happily. And his level rises to 25.

    "Awesome, isn't it?" walks Mr. Domino by and helps Arrgh out of the river. "But I'm afraid the cards are starting to overwhelm this place, no matter how many we manage to compress."
    They start running back to the Temple of the Moon, but suddenly a level 90 gnome warrior Bean Pride jumps out of the woods and kicks Brains out of Mr. Domino.
    "It's really no brainer - I know exactly what we must do! We make a 2 card system!" He looks exactly like some cartoon character.
    "What's that, Mr. Bean?"
    "Really simple! We take two cards and latch them together, so they become a single card. Then we have one less monster to kill!"
    "Excellent idea!"

    Bean Tree

    Bean and Arrgh climb up a giant bean tree and each one of them catches a card. No matter what they try, no glue is sticky enough to make them stay together - they just don't want to stick. Then they finally read out the cards in their hands:
    Arrgh: "4C"
    Bean: "AH"
    Bean reads faster and faster: "Four C A Heart." He does it over and over, not getting any ideas: "Fourc A heart. Fork a heart."
    "I'm sick of this!" yells Arrgh. "4C" card in his hand turns into a fork, he then furiously pierces the other card that Bean is holding against his chest, and pulls out a heart.
    Bean looks the fork in his heart and utters his last words: "Yees! That's it!"
    His dead body then falls down from the bean tree, still his big cartoonlike smile on his face.
    "Was it all worth it?" thinks Arrgh. He notices that all the cards raining are now indeed glued together. And his level turns into 70. "Guess it was."

    He then climbs to the top of the bean tree, where he discovers a giant goose. Arrgh domesticates the goose instantly and uses it as his personal mount.
    "Where shall we go now?" asks the goose from him. "We can leave this island and never come back."
    "No, there is still 30 levels to go," answers Arrgh. "So much yet to learn!"
    They fly over the valley and the goose lands on the high statue in the middle of the temple.
    "Oh there you are!" sighs Grandmaster Bateman with relieved voice. "The situation is going worse and worse - I see no end to the cards. Does anyone have any idea what to do?" asks he from the council gathered around him.
    Some small-level rookie night elves discuss excitedly. One of them steps forward: "We could make a big story out of it. So long that it will take at least 5 expansions to write it all down."
    Bateman walks by and slaps him. "Fool, all it will do is make the rest of the world know how hilariously we failed. 10 million people will be laughing!"

    Level 40 death knight Sir Harry Loras offers: "We could beg them to go away."
    Bateman slowly walks by him, and says: "Ok, show me exactly how you would do it."
    Sir Harry takes a magic stick out of his pants that looks like number 1, and offers it to Bateman:
    O mighty monster grotesque,
    leave us in peace with no protest.
    Collect this magic item to your pouch as a gift,
    and in return out here you give yourself a lift.

    Highlord Bateman looks him strangely, then suddenly grabs the stick and stabs it to his eye.
    "That's what they'll do to you when you start begging them." he says. "Any other ideas?"

    Some other ideas came up: "What if we somehow magically make copies of this place, until the whole world is filled with valleys of Darnassi? Some of them we make snow, others sunny and sandy. Then they'll be tempted to leave this place to inhabit the places that each individual finds the most suitable for himself.
    But a level ??? shaman Gave No shit: "Pah! That would be a task worthy for Blizzard - it would be extremely hard to make a whole new World filled with the same mundane place, each time trying to add something different. We'll just forget too many of them."
    And he stepped in the center of the council: "Listen to me. I have a better idea."
    The council sharpened their long elf ears.
    "What if we fill this valley with little places. Each pillar, river, tree and whatever thing here will hold a portal to another location. Then there will be no monsters here, they will be all teleported to the mini-places elsewhere!"
    "Hey, that might even work," agreed Arrgh.
    "Okay, let's give it a try. It seems to be the only chance we have," agreed also Grandmaster Bateman.
    He took out a map drew a plan. He loaned some places from computer games and movies he knew, and asked others to brainstorm too.

    Gonna build sth

    They started building, and the mini-places were placed with a quicker rate than the cards flew down. Old monsters were driven through the portals to the mini-places, and new cards just naturally flew there themselves.
    Soon the whole place was not only filled with places from video games like Assassin's Creed, Counter-Strike and Super Mario, but also with places from movies like Red Dragon, American Psycho or TV series like Sherlock and Mentalist. And of course also with portals to real places like Stormwind, Goldshire and Orgrimmar.

    Meanwhile, Arrgh had finally leveled up to 100.
    "So, that's it I guess?" asked Arrgh while enjoying a peaceful walk in the new Darnassus.
    "Yes, I guess so. If I start to think about it, the places actually never end, just have to pick very small ones. It's keeping track of them what's going to be the real pain in the a*s." replied Bateman. "The long walks that we'll have systematically take to not let the loci fade away!"
    "Well, can I do anything else to help?"
    "Yes! Start living your own life, get away now! I mean, you've never liked memorizing cards not a single bit! Why on earth are you here anyway?"
    "To level up?"
    "We'll, look at me! Level XXX monk, and only thing I can do is make psycho-porn out of every f***ing thing that comes here."
    Arrgh looked deep into his master's eyes, that reflected his own stature, and finally saw the truth.
    "Yes, I think you're right."
    He jumped onto his flying goose, and went to discover the rest of the world.

    Boris looked down the cliff, wondering where the **** all the 1040 cards had gone.
    "Hey, want to tell stories?" asked Nelson.

    20 April, 2016 - 07:06
    r30
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    Joined: 3 years 2 months ago

    23. Three elderly persons at a retirement home are introduced to use Microsoft Hololens for their VR experience. This includes virtually decorating their surroundings as they wish. First of them places a naked man on her bed, the second one bottle of vodka on his desk, third one a cross of Jesus Christ on both of the neighbours' doors.
    Who is the most delusional?

    Google conducted a psychology study to find out the truth. All the elders were given either Google Glasses or Cardboard Plastic goggles. All were told they were living in VR. The results clearly showed that although Cardboard Plastics took significantly less time to master, all patients were living equally in the past.

    From now on memory palaces are obsolete. Get Cardboard Plastics.

    Learn memory techniques for free! Just click the "Sign up" button below to create an account and we'll send you an email with some tips on how to get started.

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